Would you date you?

Ultimately if you don’t like yourself no one else will. Everyone talks about confidence. Confidence is attractive, yes. But there is something deeper than confidence I want to talk about today. It’s profound and deep, it’s abstract and under-rated. It’s self love. I realize this post is called “Would you date you?” It’s important to start with the foundation of magnetism, the art of attraction before skipping to the end. So many people go right to the surface stuff like, what your hobbies are, who you hang out with, how you present yourself to the world, what you do for work, how much money you have, etc. I’m all about that stuff, but it comes after. It’s your personality and people either like it or they don’t and that means nothing about YOU.

In today’s world we are judged by our personality and our character goes unseen. Character is who you are when people aren’t looking. When it’s quiet and you aren’t doing anything and there is no noise to distract. It’s who you are when you are alone with yourself. At that still moment ask yourself, do I love myself? If the answer is no, then you have no business dating around or trying to get someone else to love you. It won’t work. No one can love you until you love yourself.

It doesn’t mean you can’t think you want to improve something about yourself, or you have things to work on, or the other day you were rude to that cashier or short with a friend. That’s always going to be there, it’s part of being human. However judging ourselves for these things harshly over time can start to chip away at the love we once had for ourselves. Everyone one had it once. We are born into this world with it, and it’s always there when we want to come back to it.

We’ve all heard about unconditional love. Maybe your parents didn’t give that to you, maybe they didn’t know how but they tried their best and loved you the only way they knew how. Usually somewhere along the way our parents mess up and don’t love us the way we think they should. Then we blame them for why x is wrong with us. This doesn’t fix anything, so at some point we stop pointing the finger and look inside ourselves where the solutions truly lie… they lie in unconditional love. Good news is you don’t have to learn unconditional love from your parents. If you got it, great. If not, the universal God energy is giving it to us, teaching us how to love, all the time. It’s in the stillness and the silence. Sometimes it’s easiest to feel when you are around a baby or a puppy or a waterfall in nature, but really it’s everywhere all the time.

If you don’t love yourself no one else will. Start there, build a foundation upon which to have a great personality. In fact a great personality will come when you begin to open yourself to love and it will be your true personality based in your character. And it will be unique to you and unlike anyone else. That is sexy.

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Dating Tips – Are you boring? Ask the dating coach!

When women first start seeing someone they want it to be exciting and fun. They expect it to feel a certain way and if it doesn’t they think it’s because they don’t like you that much. You might be perfect for her and she doesn’t even know it because you are mistakingly hiding how great you are! Even if she does like you but dating you doesn’t feel as exhilarating as she thinks it should or remembers it being before, she may lose interest and something that could have been great doesn’t even get explored.

There are two extremes: on one side of the dating spectrum are the guys who are deceivingly great “daters”. They are great at taking a girl on the emotional ride she wants to go on. He knows that in the beginning of dating him she wants to feel like she is being led by through the process of getting to know one another. He makes this fun and exciting and therefore she’s happy. The more serious stuff can be saved for later, she doesn’t need it yet. She is on an emotional ride and her logical mind might not be engaged because she is on the cloud 9 of her emotions. But when it comes time to share the more personal aspects of life, experience deep intimacy, and function more as a unit he has no idea what to do.

He’s good at creating an emotional experience to get her to shop at the store but he doesn’t have any items she needs for sale. After a while she doesn’t want to go back to that store anymore, it seems great but it’s all empty boxes. Confident women don’t take a man like this seriously and they will want to keep it casual or stop hanging out because he’s not comfortable exploring deeper realms. Occasionally a guy like this will lasso a needy, insecure woman who unconsciously wants to be in a relationship with someone who is unavailable. Then he wonders why “all women are needy”.

On the other side of the spectrum, some guys are great, and definitely boyfriend material, but they lack the ability to take a girl on the ride that she needs to go on to feel interested in finding out more. They suck at dating. In the example I gave earlier, they have a great store but terrible marketing so she doesn’t know she wants to go in. Once she does get in she loves it and wants to stay because the store has so much to offer! The good news is this is an easier problem to fix than being shallow and afraid of intimacy.

As a dating coach I get a lot of clients like this second type of guy and many times they don’t realize that there is one mistake they are making that is messing with their mojo. Really, all guys can benefit from this, every human being can benefit from this!

Be unpredictable. Shes bored by dating you! If you are being unpredictable and she doesn’t know exactly what’s coming next she is always eagerly waiting to see what you will do. If you turn dating you into a boring, mundane task and it’s not interesting enough to keep her attention, she thinks it’s because “you’re not right for her” or “you want different things” or you don’t have “anything in common” or any other of the plethora of excuses women use as to why they don’t want to see you anymore.

Do something different and shake things up a little. Human beings have an extraordinary ability to get into a rut. Being dynamic is sexy! It doesn’t mean you are changing your personality, just that you’re improving it. It will be a good exercise to expand your comfort zone of what you normally do and how you normally act. If you are usually serious, try joking around and being a little goofy. If you are normally the boring dinner date guy, DO SOMETHING FUN for a change. I know the typical dinner date can be fun, but let’s face it, it’s usually not… at least when you first start dating someone because you just sit there and stare at eachother over half eaten food, trying to make conversation. Why not go to a museum, bowling, hike, picnic on the beach, outdoor concert or even an improv show? Take her to a hole in the wall instead of a chain at the very least.

If you want to find out if you are being unpredictable or you have a story or question email me at jamie@themysterykey.com and I’ll make a post about it.

Sincerely,

Jamie Thompson

Dating Coach

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Worst reason ever to want a relationship

…So it will make you happy. No one wants to be with someone who isn’t happy already or who needs them to be happy except someone who is also unhappy who needs someone to make them happy… and guess what? Those two will probably not be happy together. If they are happy for a little while they will eventually go back to being unhappy and point finger at each other for being the one who made the unhappy person unhappy again.

Dysfunctional relationships happen when someone is looking for something in someone else that they don’t think they have in themselves and they want to use the other person to get it. Trying to fill the hole with someone only makes the hole deeper. Many times the person patches it up for awhile, but much like putting a band-aide on a gaping wound, it eventually doesn’t do the trick anymore and the wound starts bleeding. It’s pretty graphic, but so is this hole we want to fill. Then we get mad at the person who stopped filling it, blaming them for our hole! Because they covered it up for a while we think it’s their fault that it’s still there. No one can make you unhappy. You are one who went searching for something to fill the hole, don’t be mad when all you find is dirt.

We have everything we really want already inside us. Everything you think you want outside yourself actually can be followed back to a feeling you desire to feel internally. When you can feel the experience that you wish to have internally more frequently you start resonating with more experiences that would have you keep feeling that way. It’s like when you are in a great mood and having a wonderful attitude people are so nice and all is good in the world. If you are having a bad day everything seems to suck and people are assholes. The more often we live in the experience we wish to have, the more often we will notice things happening that cause us to feel that way. This is no coincidence. Like attracts like. Birds of a feather flock together. You get the point.

People want to be around happy people. If you are being anything but happy, don’t go out looking for someone to change that for you. Rather take a look at what the hell you think is so bad about your life. A wise friend once told me “If everyone threw their problems into a pile and you saw your other options, you would want your problems back”. Try being grateful. Try smiling. Try laughing. Try being generous. Try making an animal noise. (that works for me every time) Just do something!

If you stop telling yourself a story how bad things are, you will find that there is happiness in that moment and in every moment. It’s waiting for you to stop pushing it away.

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Relationship advice: Finding a happy relationship

I talk to clients of mine who come to me for relationship coaching and many of them are frustrated with their dating lives and who they are attracting.

For a very long time I was primarily a dating coach because I didn’t want to be in a relationship. I most wanted to hang out and have fun, doing as I please with no one to answer to. I thought this was better than being in a relationship because I had never had a great relationship. I looked around and saw that most people, including me, have crappy romantic relationships. Most people aren’t happy with their significant others, re: the divorce rate and cheating couples. As a whole people have settled for mediocre relationships. I just said relationships like 6 times. But that’s how much I love relationships! Never thought I’d say that. Now I’m transitioning from dating coaching to relationship coaching. Helping people find a rewarding relationship is the most rewarding thing I can do.

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year and a half and it’s been great. Once I realized I actually wanted a relationship I also realized I had a lot of issues around having one in real life. I felt like boyfriend meant someone got to tell me what to do, and that I couldn’t hang out with my friends. I was afraid I would have to hang out with him all the time and I would never have alone time again. What if he cheats or we have nothing in common? (the “what if’s” haunted me at night) I was afraid I would get bored and annoyed, like usually do, after a couple months. It’s no wonder I didn’t have a relationship! That sounds terrible!

I redefined what I wanted in a boyfriend. I even stopped using the word “boyfriend” because it had become such a negative word to me. I created what I wanted in a man and I was really specific about it. I wanted someone I could joke around and play with, someone who is as weird as I am, that I can share that side of me that I don’t let out in public places. Someone who knows everything about me and loves me anyway, in fact he loves me more for not being the image of perfection I think I should be. He loves my flaws. Someone who has a desire at the core of their being to grow and change and explore new parts of themselves and of life. We can grow together and support each other in moving forward. I could go on and on, but this is the kind of detail you must use to create what you want.

Then you have to FEEL those things happening right now. I felt what it feels like to be laughing uncontrollably about something that makes no sense to anyone else because it’s ours, it’s our joke and we are the only ones who get it or even care to. I felt cherished and content and loved and happy. All of this from a boyfriend?? Who would have thought!?

When you can feel what you want and you can feel it right now in this moment you are operating at the same vibration as what you want. You are always attracting into your life everything that is vibrating on the same level that you are. If you are trying desperately to find someone and you are not having any luck, it’s time to focus inward and see if you are yearning for someone to make you feel a certain way. This only invites more things to make you yearn. When you are happy you will find someone who adds to that.

After doing this work and living in the loved and happy fun place for a few days I met my boyfriend at a very unlikely place. We knew immediately. (They always say “you just know”. I didn’t know what that meant until I met him and I just knew.) We didn’t have to try that hard or force anything, it just flowed very naturally. If you are trying to force a square peg into a round hole, it’s not the right hole…no pun intended.

When you are ready, they will show up. When it’s right, it will be easy. If this isn’t the case, it’s time to take a look inside yourself at how you are feeling and take responsibility for what you are attracting. That is the simplest but best relationship advice I can give.

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Dating tips: Tension is your friend

As human beings, we associate tension with being uncomfortable. The interesting thing is that “discomfort” is actually a positive thing. Running from it means running away form what you want. Take relationships for example: when you first meet someone, there is that energy that we often refer to as awkwardness that happens between two people who like eachother. This awkwardness is tension and it’s a good thing. It happens because of two things, without these two things there is no tension. No tension = no second, third, fourth, 1000th date.

1. We care about what the other person thinks, does, and how they respond to us. There are differing degrees of how much we care, but we can all admit that the ones who raise our blood pressure are the ones we like the most. Of course some dimwit you are on a first date with that is not that attractive to you, isn’t going to raise your blood pressure, and hopefully they don’t get a second date from you. Good rule of thumb: if they don’t have an effect on your body chemistry, they aren’t right for you.

If no one ever makes you a little nervous, I am shocked at how incredibly shut down you are. I thought I had seen it all! Perhaps you are, in fact, not a human being… but most likely, you haven’t met the right girl(s) yet!

If every girl makes you nervous, you need to become more comfortable around women, especially ones you are attracted to. This comes from experience being around them. No amount of dating tips will help you until you see women as people and are no longer intimidated by them.

2. We wonder what will happen next in the interaction, which is because we care. This is also illustrated in watching a great suspensful movie or tv show. When I watch The Walking Dead my heart pounds as I hope that a zombie is not waiting for them right around the corner. This doesn’t happen for me when I watch Revolution. Nothing happens to my blood pressure and I don’t really get nervous, I’m more focused on the flaws in the plot or characters. It doesn’t make me wonder what was going to happen next! Just like dating, when there is a healthy tension, unimportant or even important flaws can easily be over looked. But when there is no tension, it’s all you can focus on. This is why Revolution did not get a second date with me.

If she doesn’t care and she doesn’t wonder what’s going to happen next, there is no tension. If there is no tension, there is probably no second date, relationship, or nookie for you. So rather then run from the tension, move toward it with open arms and a closed mouth. Drooling is not sexy. This means if you feel nervous because the air between you is thick and there is an awkward silence and she blushes, it’s working! You’re a human being who is navigating their way through the magnetic energy that occurs between two people when they are attracted to each other. We don’t like it because it’s uncomfortable at first, but a piece of relationship advice, learn to appreciate the tension and relax into it. It’s easy when you truly realize it’s a good thing! Be ok with having perfectly natural human experiences. They key lies in how you use the tension, not in trying to get rid of it. Getting rid of it makes it boring. Don’t be boring. Embrace your humanity.

Dating tips and relationship advice coming up on tension and how it creates longevity and happiness in relationships.

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Did you put on your woman repellent tonight?

They are selling it at your local Ed Hardy T-shirt store. Like these lovely specimens on the left, most men think they know what to do with the ladies… even if they don’t. It’s difficult to know what you are doing wrong, but easy to identify it in other people. Most men put on their favorite cheesy drinking t-shirt and give it the old college try, just like they did the last time they failed miserably at the bar. Maybe this time the outing can be more educated, after all you’re not in college anymore.

I will only say this once. Do not wear Ed Hardy gear, it is about as attractive as dousing yourself in a blend of sheep, cat and llama pee. Burn your Ed Hardy clothing, don’t even give it to the homeless. They deserve better.

There are many things guys do when out at the bars that make women want to throw up in their mouth. If you can’t identify these 3 types of guys, then you may be dangerously close to being one of them so pay attention.

1. Stage 1 Creepers

Ricky Ricardo and the constant creepers stand stiffly in the corner with their drinks, robotically eye molesting at all the girls in the bar like transformer gagatrons. These guys are extreme but every girl knows what group I ‘m talking about because there is one in every bar. Guys, you are better off socializing with the girls they are attracted to or staying home and saving your money! Heavens to Betsy, don’t just stare at them or do the awkward shifty eye wink.

Even if you say hi to a girl and it doesn’t go anywhere, it’s nothing to take personal because if you leave a good impression and you see her later it’s easier to continue and conversation where you left off, then start from “Hey, I was staring at you for about 3 hours over there in that corner and I just had to come say hi…”

2. Eager beavers

Women shudder when they walk up and again when they walk away. They are the overly excited puppy dog gang, searching for any thing with female parts to latch onto, waggling their little tails about the bar. (yes, I said waggling) These guys act like they have never seen a girl before, or maybe like they just railed some high octane methamphetamine, or both. Perhaps you could try sedating yourself before entering the establishment.

Girls can sense when a guy has not been around girls. It appears like they have an ankle braclet they give parolees on house arrest and it shocks them with a certain edgy nervousness any time someone with lovely lady lumps enters a 30-foot radius. I know she’s gorgeous guys, but it’s good to get used to hanging out with and being normal around girls as friends. Treat them like you treat your guy friends, they are people too! If you put women in some special superior category you will act weird around them. A man is more desirable if other women desire him so even bringing out some of your girl friends is a good idea too.

3. Too Kool McGoulds

They take longer to get ready than me when I’m being slow. They only talk to those who are a part of their double x secret club. They wear scarves in the summer and over wax their man brows. When an attractive girl smiles at them they pretend not to know or care, suffering from delusions that this makes them appear famous, rich, fabulous, and therefore more attractive. That look she shot you was your in! Their withdrawn arrogance is a facade and everyone sees it but them.

If men have their guard up like this all the time, women are going to match it and be closed and cold, armed with their bitch shield to protect them. Both parties want to get to know each other but neither will get off the cool train, so it quickly becomes a stale mate situation. Pretending she doesn’t exist makes her wonder why you are so inaccessable for about 4 seconds and move on to another. You leave the bar with your scarf and your bar tab and no one on your arm. Flirting with a girl and being engaging turns her on and it’s a lot more fun for you because you get to do something other then pretend to be cool.

In your next bar outing, leave these three personalities at home and try being friendly, fun, and social. Go out with some friends, maybe even some girls you know. Give the open and flirtatious way a shot or the old college try, whichever you prefer.

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How to not be taken advantage of by women.

I recently heard someone say the first cue that a woman is trying to take advantage of you is that she has breasts. There is some truth to that statement. One of the ways women find their power when they think they have none is through manipulating men. Every girl gets her heart broken and ego demolished at some point, it’s like a rite of passage into woman hood.

For me, I was 17. Just moved in with my first boyfriend whome I was head over heels in love with. I got in a car accident at like 2 am up some crazy mountain road and I needed someone to come pick me up. I call and call but he doesn’t answer. I have a weird feeling in my stomach because I have my mother’s intuition and I can sense when something is wrong. Finally, one of my friends drove an hour to come get me and took me back to our apartment where much to my dismay, he wasn’t there. I knew what was happening but I didn’t believe it. Later on, I ended up finding out that he had been cheating on me with a friend of mine for about 6 months. I was devastated and more than anything I felt stupid because I cared for him so much. He begged me to take him back and I did…but I was never the same to him again. In the back of my mind I knew that I was going to teach him a lesson; Miss Jamie wanted her power back. I noticed that when I was withholding my attention from him inadvertantly because my feelings were hurt, he was making up the difference and paying more attention to me in turn. I knew that it was becoming more and more over for me, but I let him continue to do this because I didn’t to give him the chance to hurt me like that ever again. He damn near went crazy trying to make it like it used to be. One day I ended it because he was so paranoid about me cheating (never did happen) and I became unattracted to him.

I learned a few lessons about relationships:

1) I can use withholding my attention to gain power if I feel like it’s lacking.

2) Men will break my heart if I let them have the power.

Every woman out there has some story, some moment where she felt used, stupid, unloved, or betrayed by a man she was in love with who she thought would never do such a thing to her. They want to get back Johnny Heartberaker and the male race for breaking their heart when they were a teenager. So women learn to withhold sex and attention from men and use them as weapons of mass destruction to the male ego. Men play into the game by trying to get what they think they need from women. They spend countless hours in the gym and going out hitting on girls trying desperatly to be cooler and more attractive so the ladies will give them the sex and attention they so desire.

Are women just compulsively seeking control? (One lovely fellow asks)

It depends, for some it’s to protect themselves from being humped and dumped by someone they really care about, and some women get obsessed with this. What starts off as an intention to protect herself from being hurt like she was in the past can turn into a compulsive control strategy. Power is like a drug, some people do it a few times and realize it’s not for them and others become crack heads living on the street, robbing their mother to get their next fix. So for some girls the club is their crack pipe and men are the rock. Turning men who want them down becomes a sport, and even an addictive behavior. Women will go as far as dangling the promise of her sexuality in front of his face while men take them on vacations and extravagant dinners without ever planning on giving it to them. I’d be lying if I said I haven’t ever done that… and gained a temporary satisfaction from it. Some women, and this happened for me, feel empty inside. Then we do to emotional rehab and stop trying to use men for our own temporary false gratification. I have and I know other women who have turned down free stuff, money, vacations, expensive dinners, and jewelry; sometimes even free drinks, when they could have easily taken these things because they didn’t want to lead a guy on. That is being responsible with their power.

To those who already hate women and are looking for one more reason to continue doing so: Don’t take the truth I’m telling and go on a woman hating rampage trying to get them back, because you are adding to the vicious cycle. She hurts you and you get her back or the other way around and it just keeps going and going… until you stop playing that game. There are better games to play than getting entire female race back for the careless actions of one or two girls. Men and women both are just trying not to get hurt. When you can see what she is doing you can stop playing into it, while having compassion for her position. Just stop trying so hard to get her attention, don’t hate her for wanting it. We are all in the same boat here.

At some point you stop the power struggle and realize that no can take something away from you that you don’t need from them. If you need anything from anyone, they have power over you. If you are willing to let go of that thing you think you need, there is no power to be taken from you. No one can take it if you don’t give it to them. We are human and if we could do this 100% of the time we wouldn’t be, but it’s a path to start on.

Remember when you start needing anything from a woman you are in trouble. You can hate her for not giving you what you need or you can take responsibility for taking care of yourself. If you want her to validate you, validate your self instead. If you need her to validate you with her attention she can use that against you. If you don’t need her attention but you would like it that’s a different story. When I want it to be sunny and it’s not I’m bummed for a few minutes and then I get over it, understanding that there will be many more sunny days in Southern California!

Shout out to my friend and fellow coach Walter Durham and Project North Carolinawood for deepening my understanding of what men are going through, and how all pick-up artists are not bad people. They gave me the idea for this post. You can find out more about Walter: http://masterpickupartists.com/.

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Manswers: Pretend for just a minute that you’re not only into my vagina

There are a few things that having a one track mind gets you.

1) Dumped.

2) Laid for 1-4 times, then dumped… maybe 5 if you’re really good in the sack.

That is if you can even get the girl in the first place. There are two main extremes of guys who are only after the pun-tang.

1) The player: the guy who slept with your sister, and her friend, and…your aunt Eileen?!

On one side they are very self expressed about it and they are not afraid to let any girl know that they are on the prowl for one thing. In fact many times they are proud of their mission to get laid. And these guys do get laid. They might not be happy and fulfilled, and neither are the girls they are sleeping with. Most of the time they do not open themselves up emotionally which makes it difficult to have fulfilling relationships. These guys don’t usually start searching for something more meaningful until they have a midlife crisis where they realize that all the supermodels they have banged only temporarily fill the void they feel inside. It takes them a long time to really experience the emptiness they feel because they can easily mask their vacant core with all the ladies coming and going through their revolving door.

Playahood can be a necessary stage…

Sometimes guys need to go through some sort of a player phase like this to realize they want something more. It’s hard to battle a really high level of testosterone until they have seen the way they feel when their life is run by it. They eventually realize that they aren’t getting what they want through all the shallow relationships. What they crave internally is something deeper and more intimate. This is when the man hangs up his player hat and looks for a more meaningful relationship; and if they are ready for it they start attracting more quality women that they could take home to mama. This is really an act of self respect because if you are disrespecting women, you know you are showing that same disrespect to yourself.

2) The creepy guy: the guy who wants it really bad but never gets it…not even Aunt Eileen.

The other type is guys who are ashamed of wanting to get laid and they try to hide their sexual desires and make everyone think they are really nice and sweet. THEY THINK if girls only knew how much they wanted to get all willy nilly in the bedroom with them, they would never even talk to them! These creepy guys are resentful and get down on themselves when girls put them in the friend zone and they don’t get any, they are jealous of the guys to just go out and get it. Many times these guys join the dating community to become sex machines like the more outgoing “player” vagina hunters. Sometimes they are successful and when these guys become good at taking girls home many times they eventually get depressed because it isn’t what they always fantasized it would be like. This is baffling and frustrating because even with all this new validation they think they will never be happy. This is usually when they become pick-up coaches. And sometimes at this point they start realizing that they aren’t getting what they really want and they try something new.

Most of my clients are the second type of guy, whether they made it to the community or not they realized that wasn’t the route they wanted to take. They wanted something fulfilling and real. I teach them that there is a different way to go about dating where they accept themselves as they are, without trying to put on an act of what they think an attractive man should be. They stop performing; if people want a performance they will go to a play. I help my clients look for relationship instead of self-gratification. Relationship starts with their relationship with themselves, what they feel internally is what they will manifest in a woman so we go to work on dealing with and erasing negative programs and creating positive ones.

The Perfect Mix: guys can respect themselves and women and still get laid?? Manswers asks…

The answer is yes you can. Some guys naturally have the desire and ability to create deep connections with women. Of course they get laid in the process but it is not their quest in life. Because they aren’t attached to getting laid, they find it happening easily. Every one down deep in their heart of hearts wants to feel close and intimate with the opposite sex, and further have someone more “special” to them than all the others. I believe this is the number one cause of pain in our culture today. Men and women want deep connections but many have no idea how to find them.

The people who get it and are able to experience deep connection with others are not afraid to be vulnerable about their pain. They aren’t ashamed that they are not perfect. We relate to each other through our imperfection. They are looking for someone else to share their experiences, hopes, fears, dreams, feelings, passions, etc. with and they are not afraid to put that stuff out there. Ultimately we all want someone who will know everything about us and like us anyway. The ones who get this attract the healthiest, quality women into their life… and of course there is plenty of vagina along the way.

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Don’t Mistake Friendliness for Wanting Your Magic Stick

If you are seeking validation and attention starved, an egomaniac who thinks everyone adores you, or you’re simply ignorant and unaware. it’s easy to turn a polite conversation with a girl into something entirely different. You can do this if you want but don’t be surprised when she doesn’t get the memo. It’s easy to simply not see what is really happening when you don’t know what signs to look for.

The other night I was out with some friends and we met some guys, one of which was really digging my friends program. She is a nice, non-confrontational person and his group of friends seemed to be the most entertaining to say the least, so naturally she was going along with it. At one point there was another guy hanging out near us and she left “Magic Stick” to talk to him. “Magic Stick” then got jealous and stole her attention back. When it was time to go he asks her to hang out and she says, “Let’s all hang out sometime.” and they exchange numbers. Later he asks her to hang out and she ignores his call and texts. I rolled my eyes when she told me he wanted to meet up with her for drinks the a few days later because I knew exactly what had gone on just by observing the nights events.

2 things happened that are dead giveaways that she does in fact NOT want your magic stick:

1- She left as soon as another opportunity arose that she could still stay near her friends and not have to talk to “Magic Stick” anymore. If the two of you have been talking for a while and she is really into you she isn’t going to turn around and talk to the guy behind you…that was the dead give-away. Girls won’t usually go too far from their friends unless they are really hating life. If their friends are having fun many times they will endure the social discomfort of being hit on by someone they aren’t into and make friendly conversation. Sometimes, and in this particular case they will play along with it and even fuel the fire for fun until someone else conveniently shows up. There is nothing wrong with this, many interactions that happen in bars and social events are like this because LIKING SOMEONE AT A BAR AND WANTING TO HANG OUT WITH THEM AGAIN ARE TWO ENTIRELY DIFFERENT ANIMALS.

Acting out of jealousy never gets the girl. If leaves and you get jealous and go find her you have just locked in a pattern that doesn’t serve you. The pattern is she runs and you chase her, just like 4th grade (some things never change.) So remembering back to 4th grade, what happens when you don’t chase her? She comes walking right back up to you to see why the hell you didn’t chase her! The game we are still playing today began with a boy and girl on a playground.

2- “Let’s all hang out sometime” is a boner killer. Let it be a boner killer. Let it go. It means she just wants to be friends, at least for now. The dead giveaway is A-L-L. When a girl says “Let’s ALL hang out sometime”, it is girl code for “You’re cool and I’m probably down to hang out again BUT I don’t want to hang out with you alone.” Let that sink in next time you hear something like that and respond accordingly. Not every girl has to be a hook-up, you can have female friends as well. Who knows, through her you might meet someone you have mutual chemistry with. If you keep it casual and lay off, showing her you aren’t going to try and jump her bones there could future outings. She might even appreciate the space you have given her and start liking you! I’ve personally had this happen when I just wasn’t in the mood and later realized a guy was cool and someone I would like to hang out with because he gave me the space to think about it.

If she isn’t digging you the way you are digging her move on. You deserve to like someone who likes you back.

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Manswers-Girls: How do I know if a girl is into me?

No this is not that show on Spike called “Manswers: the ultimate survival guide for men” or whatever it is. There is not pictures of big breasted women in cheer leader outfits doing jumping jack challenges or playing pin the tail on the donkey. This is a different type of survival guide. It’s a guide about understanding women and how you can be more successful with them. I get a lot of people asking me the very simple question; how do I tell if a girl is into me?

This question has a simple and many not so simple answers. We will start with the basic simple answer because 9 times out of 10 this is going to be pretty accurate.

Simple answer: If she is reciprocating your efforts, she is into you.

It’s that simple. If you call her and she calls back, you ask her to hang out and she finds time, you lean in to kiss her and she kisses back, then she is obviously digging your program. There was a book I read a while ago that was aimed at women who end up clinging to guys who aren’t that into them. Naturally it was called “He’s Not That Into You”. The book was about how if men are not initiating contact with you then they aren’t THAT interested. It’s a beautiful book because as women we tend to make up excuses for why men we really like aren’t giving us the level of attention we would like from them. I’ve seen many men suffer from a similar “excuse making up syndrome”.

The same lesson from “He’s Just Not That Into You” can be applied to men, except men still need to initiate contact to see if the woman reciprocates. As a man you generally need to throw out the fishing pole to see if you get a bite. Women generally swim around looking for attractive fishing poles that are being thrown at them and sort through to find which ones they want to bite. Some have really great bait on them, some are easier to bite on than others, some have no bait but a really nice pole, etc. There are many different kinds and it just depends on what the particular woman is looking for. If she isn’t biting then stop casting your pole near her! She knows it’s there, she sees it and recognizes it as yours, and she is not too busy to pay attention to it. If the right rod was in her swimming hole she would definitely not ignore it.

Recap: Don’t make up excuses for her not reciprocating your efforts. If she really liked you, she would reciprocate. Period. Maybe it’s not a good time right now? This could be true. So GIVE HER SOME SPACE and check in again later.

If you never leave, she can’t miss you. She will learn that you are always there and will take you for granted. You become one of guys that will forever be in the friend zone if you just hang around with your pole out waiting for her all the time.

Some more signs that a girl is attracted to you: (more…)

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